Rant of the week – F**k yo’ spark

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F**k yo spark
You can probably tell from the article title that I’m not a big fan of the concept of “There’s no spark”, I mean it’s basically the equivalent of the “It’s not you, it’s me” line. I don’t really believe it!! I mean what does it mean anyway?!

What’s the Spark

Urban dictionary says and I quote
The feeling when you see someone you like. Even though you are gay.
“I am sure its not lust. I just felt a spark between us. I love him”

What?! “Even though you are gay”?! Okay Urban Dictionary maybe took it to a level no one will ever be prepared for and it hasn’t actually helped explain what spark is so I’ll try to explain what I think it is from my understanding and experience.
F**k yo spark
In its simplest form YES it’s if you like someone, but I think it’s a little more complicated than that. For example you may like someone over a Tinder conversation or before you’ve even spoken, but then meet up and decide you don’t appreciate how often they talk about their 16 cats or how much they rub their nose after coming back from the bathroom the umpteenth time, or much more common reasons like they smoke or perhaps chubbier than you’d normally go for. To me spark is basically attraction, gay or not.

So what’s my beef?!

No beef, well not really. When I started to hear the word being bounced around disguised as a clear explanation it just boggled my mind a bit. It’s kinda like the word banter, which to most would mean good chat but that’s probably too simple a definition. I don’t really believe in spark more because it seems so fickle and loose, it just comes and goes like an awkward fart no one wants to own up to. An example of this is 3 women I’ve been on dates before used the “No spark” line only to tell me later down the line that they found it. One of the reasons I got when I asked “Why the change of heart?” was “I felt ill that day”.
F**k yo spark
Maybe my problem isn’t spark itself but how it’s used.

We date in order to find someone we connect with, but some of us expect that unique connection to spawn within the first 2 hours of real life interaction while also reducing the chances of it by ruling out the too short, too fat, too keen.

Dating is like that kids toy with the shapes and the relevant holes, we’re all trying to find the perfect shaped block that fits into our specific hole (there’s a clever joke here somewhere), trouble is our hole changes shape every few hours and is guarded by 2 Dobermans that devour normal human interaction like raw beef. I for one have dated for more than a year and have only had what I thought was a great connection with 2 people on a first date, and they didn’t even feel the same way. It doesn’t really matter because you can roll the die on another app generated interaction, you never really need to commit to any one for longer than a few hours, and that’s perfect if that’s what you’re looking for *awkward thumbs up*.
F**k yo spark
In reality I think that a spark that can happen that quickly relies mostly on looks than personality, like the spark has a height requirement for dudes and a waist limit for ladies. Just my opinion but it gives a hint as to why some people end up falling for convicts, narcissists and compulsive liars that would fit perfectly into an episode of Game of Thrones. YOU DON’T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO.

If I was 6.3ft I’d rest my morning coffee on the spark’s forehead like it’s my bitch, my beverage bitch. Sadly I’m barely tall enough to reach it so I spend most of my dates trying to mask that fact with humour and wit, very similar to how vegetarians add cheese to everything.

The Spark Conclusion

Every time I mention to any of my female friends that I don’t believe in “The Spark”, I get a look similar to when someone tells you they don’t believe in global warming. If I had to give it a more definitive explanation based on what’s happened with me, its a strong attraction that you feel for someone in a short span of time. Which is just my opinion that I’m sure many people would disagree with and they are more than welcome to. I guess for me I never feel there’s no connection or spark and it’s usually a physical thing that I tend to consider, but its easier to say “There’s no Spark” than to say your face doesn’t go with my back pack.