So should we dress up for a first date? Thanks to Eve’s ethos of “food is life” and Adam’s FOMO we are the only species on earth that get red faced about our bits flailing about. And thanks to the evolution of human society, there are many different and unique ways to keep our bits from flailing about, or at least let them flail how we please.
It’s somewhat amazing that something as simple as how low cut your top is, how tight your jeans are and if you own Apple ear pods can scream an opinion or disposition to others about the kind of person you are.
There’s a reason it’s called “Fashion Statement” and not just “Hiding My Bits”
But when it comes to dating some of us have a different approach to the kind of statement we choose to expose our date to.
Modern life has changed dressing up for a date
Ever evolving modern life has changed what living is like for all of us, mostly for the better but with some side effects. With fashion being more accessible to the masses and the definition of “normal” constantly shifting, humans have become incredibly creative with how they choose to cover and carry their bits.
A couple of months ago I was told Skorts and Shackets existed, as I pulled a face like a toddler accidentally seeing his parents bump uglies for the first time it was explained that Skorts were a fusion of Skirts and Shorts and Shackets were … yep… Shirts and Jackets. There’re even those who like to be gender neutral and just wear whatever they feel like regardless of what gender they are, and sometimes you really can’t tell what gender they are, which I guess is the beauty of it.
So when it comes to first dates it’s sometimes impossible to imagine what they’ll come dressed up in, especially when your dates profile pics is someone dressed up in nothing but cosplay, pyjamas or literally just naked in a bathroom.
Dress up for a first date
So just to clarify that when I say dress up for a first date, I don’t mean show up in a bow tie or ball gown. I mean it would be pretty awkward showing up in 6 inch heels and be taken to a local pub. What I mean is effort, and by that I mean the same effort you would take to make a good impression. In my mind when you want something you try and eliminate any obstacles in order to get it, that and expressing some sort of interest. There’s a reason why you clean yourself up a bit before going to a job interview. You want to make a good impression, so turning up in crocs (this actually happened) and a vest top may not show off your character and qualities…. I mean unless your job is to sell crocs and vest tops.
There’s a reason why you clean yourself up a bit before going to a job interview. You want to make a good impression, so turning up in crocs (this actually happened) and a vest top may not show off your character and qualities…. I mean unless your job is to sell crocs and vest tops.
When you make some effort for a date it could mean a bunch of things to you. It could mean nothing at all, maybe you just make a little effort when you leave the house because it makes you feel confident. Perhaps it’s just a routine you’ve followed all your life and you do it without a second thought. Being secure in the mindset that any random glances in your direction are of positive curiosity rather than heightened confusion. Or maybe you’re hopeful about this date and want them to like you so you do the rounds so you at least feel like you gave it your best shot. You never get a second chance to make a first impression right.
When they make an effort you may not notice it at all. Your level of effort may not be the same, especially if you’re a woman. Let’s face it, women have had way more pressure when it comes to their appearance, the expectations, the pressure and sometimes unrealistic standards. I like to think that I always make an effort when going on dates. But my effort consists of removing and neatening the hair on my head, putting on a pair of boots and picking out a relatively smart casual top.
Not to mention my style is basically like one of those dolls that you dip in “magic” paint to change the colour of that one outfit. A woman sometimes has 10 more steps in order to be considered “fit for public”. So some of us could judge someone on what they’ve chosen to wear when really it’s the amount of effort they’re comfortable with.
The ones that do step out of that comfort may be faced with the problem of maintaining that look for as long as the relationship lasts. Which usually ends up with silent resentments, insecurity and judgements. It could also cause you to think more with your genitals and less with your brain, attractive people do strange things to the brain and can cause some of us to overlook things we wouldn’t normally accept.
It’s good to make an effort but it’s more important to be your good ol self.
Dress down for a date
So in the same fashion what do I mean by dress down. Well I mean try not to be naked, yep… that it, just put whatever on and go. His or her opinion on the colour of your top and the quality of your shoes are an after thought, your priority is to be as comfortable as possible. Thinking that if they’re the right person they’ll accept you for who you are and not have an opinion on how high your heels should be or how thick your beard is.
Not to mention this is you’re 120th date and maybe making the extra effort for someone who hasn’t proven to you why you should make that effort doesn’t deserve to see you try. Long gone are the days of taking an extra set of clothes to work just so you’ll look “date worthy”.
There’s nothing wrong with this of course and that comfortable feeling defers from person to person and man to woman. It’s usually more common for a man to appear more dressed down, he has a hot date coming up and he chooses not to be naked. Most clothing combinations will do, not because he’s not interested, but because that’s him being comfortable.
I recall a friend saying that as long as he doesn’t have holes in his clothes, he’s fine. Another has said seeing a man too dressed up puts her on edge and can make her feel underdressed. People should try to get to know you for who you are and if they don’t want to get to know you because you’re effort didn’t meet theirs then that’s okay. Because there’s probably someone out there who’ll be so enthused with your personality that you may as well be naked… sort of.
On the other hand there’s a reason why your favourite chocolate bar isn’t just wrapped in a plain white cellophane sheet.
You can spot the distinct red and white of a Kit Kat a good distance away and if you’re a Kit Kat addict your brain is probably shooting off enough signals to make you salivate a little.
It’s the same way looking at a suit may shoots off signals of style, success and maturity or looking at an elaborate colourful T-shirt makes you think of fun, extrovert and a quirky attitude.
In addition, what could be seen as a lack of effort could give off the impression of complacency, boredom and stagnation. Causing minds to wish and eyes to wonder. In this sea of constant dating and replaceable companionship it’s easy to mistake what you see as lack of effort as also a lack of interest.
So what to do
So should you dress up for a first date? In reality most people change their effort based on the day, the date, the location, their mood… heck the planet mar’s current position from our planet. So there isn’t one perfect setting for any situation. The most important thing most people will tell you is to be your natural comfortable self and I wholeheartedly agree.
If you feel more comfortable wearing your favourite peach lipstick then you should do that, or if you’re more comfortable wearing your lucky adidas trainers then do that too. Ultimately it’s what your sense of style does for you not the person you might want, you should wear anything that helps you feel strong and or prexy (that’s pretty and sexy put together). And if you’re going on a date and your thoughts are “I can’t be bothered to make any effort” then you may want to think about why you’re going on that date in the first place.