Dating during Covid-19 or Dating during an apocalypse
Dating during Covid-19 is difficult… it’s been about 3 months since the start of the apocalypse… Yes, I’m being dramatic and I mean Covid-19, kinda feels like the start of the end though doesn’t it… Yes, dramatic. It’s now been about 1 month or more of isolation for those in Europe smart and empathetic enough to do so.
Many have spent their time alone with nothing but Deliveroo dropping their goodies two feet away from our person like we’re all zombies and Pornhub which is causing us to forget how to hold anything that isn’t phallic shaped,
others have been lucky enough to have siblings, family, housemates or friendly neighbours a mere couple of steps away to maintain the sanity that’s being challenged by bright sun, nostalgia pics on Instagram and cabin fever.
It’s equally if not more tricky for couples who happen to be apart during isolation, it’s one thing to try to find someone when you can’t leave your house for fear of toiletries being stolen. It’s another thing to try and keep a fire lit under the ass of a relationship when you suddenly can’t reach the other person you love to do indoor and especially outdoor things with.
Together but apart
Ever done that love language test and find out that you’re basically just the results of what your parents over indulged you with or neglected to provide you enough of.
For example it was made known to me that my love language being touch probably has something to do with my mom parking her palm on my head a bunch, so it makes sense that I naturally crave that skin on skin affection.
So it goes without saying that one month of not being able to express or receive your love language is poking couples in the nuts and slapping them in the boob, but If you’re lucky you and your significant other are handling this really well. Using technology as a bridge and a shared need for attention as rocket fuel you’re both naturally performing the motions that makes the other feel wanted and needed in a time where uncertainty, stress and various designs of fear tug away at our hearts and minds… yes fear.
Although the truth is that with individuals being built differently, one will most likely need more support than the other and one will be more than happy to finally avoid company without being labelled as a shut in.
Relationships that were barely surviving because coasting with oblivious content worked and was as easy as playing “Find the Racist” while watching any Fox news channel. These types of relationships are now tested through prolonged exposure or forced detachment, are you or your partner emotionally intelligent enough to figure out what’s required to survive through these “apocalyptic” times or will drift apart and let each other be devoured separately by metaphorical zombies that feast on brittle relationships.
Communication is a skeleton key
If anything I’ve said has hit a nerve and you’re nodding along while holding a glass of red wine in the bath then maybe you’re one of the individuals that’s also trying to figure out how you’re going to come out of this situation unscathed.
Have you maybe tried just telling your other half how you feel? Yep sounds as cliche and obvious as watching different people do the same dance on a Tik Tok post. But strangely it’s the smartest and most efficient advice that not many people are willing to perform without it being spelt out for them… myself included.
Just having the opportunity to let things off your chest to the person that’s involved is a great way to get that 100kg emotion off your chest, you don’t even need much back other than maybe some validation of your feelings. Although if you’re someone who’s a bit of an overthinker or empathetic you may find that communication may feel like you’re asking for change, and asking someone to behave in a way that may not come naturally to them might prove difficult.
Alas the alternative of not communicating how difficult you may be finding this time of need will lead to resentment and insecurity. Not getting the answers you deserve will cause you to create your own answers,
every short or late response may be interpreted as a form of disinterest when in reality your partner may be dealing with this unique situation their own way.
In addition even if communicating causes more of a rift it’s still one of the best things to do as there’s almost nothing worse than not knowing where you stand… oh wait… maybe that feeling where you bite the inside of your mouth and spend the next couple of days being terrified of your jaw.
Come on strong
Maybe you’ve never felt insecure about yourself because the public’s and more importantly your partner’s reactions to your new trim, the way you look in jeans or your mere presence has always been enough to make you feel confident and special. Now that there’s very little double takes to experience and little to no room to show off your butt in skinny jeans. How are we all reminding ourselves that we’re great.
Mirrors, parents and siblings are naturally unfamiliar and unphased about how good or terrible looking we are. The main source of confidence is that sudden clear voice in our heads and our not so subtle opinions of ourselves, growing louder and less interrupted every day. Maybe your partner really liked the way you drank coffee in the morning, and now you’re left with judgemental thoughts about how you drink too much coffee… that bitter bean juice of life.
This is a time where saving up any pent up affection till you next meet might be folly and couples may have to travel back to the point where they used to flirt over dating apps. A time where every other text was propelled by the fuel of mystery and excitement. Though the mystery may be gone, the nostalgia and anticipation for what’s to come when this is over could be enough fuel to keep each other feeling wanted.
At the same time we can’t completely rely on our love interests to fill our cup. It’s important for us to remind ourselves why we’re awesome with showers, grooming, personal days and self love… in whatever form that may be.
Feelings of loneliness, doubt, insecurity and anxiety are filling the isolated air more than the virus we are all isolating from. We’re all in deep thought about what our situation means to us and what our partners may be thinking while also not considering the situation our partners may be experiencing.
These thoughts may cause us to make hasty decisions about our relationships that may just require time outside of a pandemic to truly understand what’s needed.
I believe that we all may need a hall pass in these difficult times and spend this forced solo time focusing on ourselves as individuals.
This is not the norm so we cannot expect the norm from others. We can only wait to see if the feelings we have are the same when we’re not under such circumstances. Our brains are changing and processing and we need to see what they produce at the end of lock down before deciding that we want to quit our jobs, become celibate, be vegan and most relevant break up with our significant others.
Or you know.. Do what you want, it’s your isolation.