I’ve always been brought up with the mindset of treat others as you would like to be treated, it’s only fair right? It’s the reason I never join into the strange game where you whack each other in the groin, I don’t like it so he probably wouldn’t… probably. I feel the same way when it comes to finding a mate, to become more like what you seek in order to increase your chances of bagging them, but does it actually work? And are there any dangers in doing so. Should you mimic the person you want?
Studies show that leadership begets mimicry, as a follower of said leader you may take on subtle traits that your leader also naturally performs, a slight head tilt, a cough before each poignant remark… or maybe even a sudden interest in political views. In the same way that we may mimic those in power we may also mimic those we hold affection for, some subconscious and subtle others shameless and forced.
There are those who are so programmed to be with another person that they lack much of a personality outside of a relationship, like Trump supporters without Mexicans or Katie Hopkins without racism.
There is the argument that we just seek others who share our own habits and hobbies, that or resemble our parents. So maybe a lot of us aren’t trying to become our love interests by copying them but maybe we’re just attracted to those who share our love for random human activities, like art, veganism or protein shakes. But media at times reality portrays many situations where characters fake interests or become interested in subjects they usually wouldn’t find interesting in order to bag a hottie. I’m looking at you 70’s chick flicks.
Do we mimic and does it work
Most mimic like behavior I imagine is subconscious, specially in our modern western society where individuality and “self” is an idea we hold proudly, we are in an environment that more than not supports the notion of being happy in the skin you wriggle in and not to be shaken by the influenza of media and societies standards…well.. assuming your parents are chill and you’re not a woman or gay, then you probably have had your share of people telling you what you should or shouldn’t be trying to be. Why would anyone consciously decide to mimic someone else unless they saw it as a development of a better self. A meat eater becoming a vegan, a couch potato becoming a keen traveler or brunette becoming blonde. Are these changes purely internal without any stimulation from another person, group or to be relevant, love interest?
Taking the vegan path as an example, you’re besotted with an individual that you maintain a less than creepy contact with, maybe she’s a co-worker or friend of friend. You over hear through the grapevine of social interaction or maybe she just outright told you that she’d never date someone who didn’t understand why it’s wrong to eat meat. The obvious common sense thing to do here would be to remove her as a possible candidate from your mind.
Unfortunately it’s not that simple, if it was, Romeo and Juliet would be a one page kid’s book about killing gang members.
Instead you may consider the idea of saying goodbye to your favourite pig sandwich and piece of cow, the confabulating part of your brain telling you that it’s good for your health, the environment and part of your personal development as a human being, regardless of if that’s actually true or not. I mean this doesn’t always happen but it’s more plausible than most would admit.
In my case I’ve always thought it would be great to meet a polite, fun, funny, easy going, gym girl with tattoos, there’s more to it than just that obviously but I figure we start easy. I surmised that if I was going to be so “demanding” I should probably also offer the same qualities… at least the gym and tattoo part, but what about the rest. I have actively had a relationship with the gym for years and have procrastinated with the tattoo part for years too. But for the rest, do I naturally see myself as easy going, polite and dare I say even funny or am I trying to entice a partner by becoming as close to what I want as possible without putting on 5 inch heels and a body-con dress. But does it work
Have you ever fallen face first into an interaction with the opposite sex just to find that the conversation is as easy and accepting as resting the full weight of your head on a piece of jello. Or find that because of your shared interest you end up meeting more and more like minded people that are easy to talk to. If yes then that may be because of the similar interests/mindsets you share. From being a virgin vegan to a shared goal in the gym, it’s much easier to find common ground when your interests align and your thought process are in sync. “It’s like he knows what I’m going to say before I say it” eurgh my brain Just puked in my skull.
Is the new found interest you both share starting to dissolve. The smell of bacon thieving away your resolve, scratching at the ends of your vegan will, or the urge to wake up an hour early to lift heavy weights with your ankle pivot starts to feel a lot like insanity, who looks at ankles anyway. Ultimately trying to be someone you’re not will show and dissolve the well placed bricks you placed to build your relationship fort. You both slowly drift away, just as fast as your forced passion drifts from your minds eye.
Have I purposely tried to mimic the traits of someone I like? Maybe… possibly… okay yes sort of, when I was much younger I once started wearing white hoodies because a girl I liked also liked white hoodies. Did it work? Nope, I doubt she even noticed.
There’s a theory about how you’ll find someone while doing what you love, climbers meet other climbers, travelers meet other travelers and so on, so it makes sense that if you want to meet someone with certain hobbies and habits, you’re more likely to find them while enjoying your hobby, even if your hobby involves stalking humans or arson… *nervous laugh*
This all seems quite obvious and natural I know, surely you want to meet someone with similar interests to you, you’re not mimicking, you’re just being your awesome self.
So how about when we want or expect something that we aren’t, for example, some people expect someone to have an over average body figure, while they on the other hand consume enough hypocrisy and donuts to become a fat Jeremy Kyle.
Or when someone wants someone who’s successful but spends all their time bitching about their 9-5 while watching love island.
It makes sense to think that you’re more likely to appeal to someone if you have similar values and hobbies, which is probably why many people flat out lie about their interests in order to increase their chances. “You’re into dogs!! Omg I’m into dogs too!!” When actually you’re really a cat person…. a dirty cat person.