Rant of the week – To chase or not to chase
So after a long ass hiatus from the dating life I find myself back on the saddle with strangely less clarity than I had when I left. I had been so out of the day to day monotony of analysing response rates, hidden signals and the endless swipe
that I almost didn’t know how to start, sort of like suddenly gaining consciousness in front a pregnant woman about to go into labour. In a good way being away for so long meant that downloading my staple of apps presented me with a plethora of matches and messages, some of which were 1 to 2 months old, rendering them practically redundant. But hey not a bad stroke of the ol’ego.
As I reluctantly start conversations with my digital encounters I try to recollect my knowledge from past experiences.
The basic shit like don’t send a dick pick and only show the “cute” weirdness and not the “oh fuck no” weirdness till later,
but as conversations begin to stop abruptly, I wonder, should I be chasing more or less?
Let’s establish what I think chasing is from my point of view. I like to think it’s any recurring attempt to interact with another person with some sort of romantic intention. It ain’t a chase if you run at each other like cats in heat.
For most female readers your answer to this question is probably unanimous, let the bastards chase me like a cheetah chases deer. It’s natural for the lady to wait for initiation, which is customary on Dating Apps bar Bumble. But what gets me sometimes is when a conversation is halted by a lack of response to your clever anecdote and doesn’t pick up again until you do a pride stamping double text to reinitiate, failure to do so usually ends up with being unmatched. Surely it’s easier to just respond to the hanging message if you were interested, or is the risk of rejection oh so scary.
Chase till your legs fall off
So you initiate, you show interest, you ask to meet.
People like to be wanted, so no doubt he or she gets a buzz from your constant attempt to smell their hair. Maybe little by little the responses become more positive and you can practically taste sweet victory, warm deer meat. On the other hand I can’t help but feel desperate and creepy in that array of actions, not to mention practically handing the position of power to the other person, leaving them comfortable and stable in the knowledge that they’re wanted like some sort of ego filled drip feed. One could get pretty demotivated when a “want to go for a drink?” is met with a “I’ll let you know” or the frustrating itch you get when your suggested day to meet is met with “sorry I’m busy that day” with no counter suggestion.
Might as well tie a stick to my back and dangle an unreachable pair of breasts to it.
I’d rather be chased like prey
So let’s say you’re one of those individuals that has to wear extra thick layers due to the dangerous amount of pheromones you emit, causing the rest of us to chase you like a scene out of 28 days later, or that Rick and Morty episode with the love serum. One can get used to being showered with compliments, invitations and more messages than you could read on your lunch break. I’ve been chased a baby’s handful of times so I can only imagine how being in such a position could alter the way you approach dating. If I was chased a lot it could cause me to become more full of myself, which in turn would increase my expectations of a potential partner, I’d have to see them at a similar level or better. I’d have little incentive to go on a couple of dates with someone unless I really liked them from the get go, why would I when someone I’m more attracted to could bolt round the corner.
Would rejection become easier to deal with because you’d always have someone vying for your attention, distracting you from reality, or would it be tough because you’re rarely rejected at all.
With dating apps it’s customary for the guy to start out as the chaser, even on Bumble where the initiator has to be the woman, a guy may end up having to pre-initiate by extending a match before a woman actually starts a conversation. A few successful dates later the dynamic could switch and the woman could then become a chaser if she finds herself attracted, specially if the guy suddenly becomes aloof and inconsistent. Perhaps there’s a middle ground here where we become somewhat of a lazy hunter who chases his prey for a day or two then rolls over and falls asleep when said prey doesn’t respond fast enough.