Gotta catch ’em all – My habit of turning dates into friends
Why do I sometimes turn dates into friends? Maybe it’s because I used to have a large healthy friendship group back in 2008, there were about 12 of us and we would hang out several times a week and have a blast.
Group drink out of jugs of alcohol dubbed the fountain of youth which ironically may have been doing the opposite, have movie get togethers that strangely turned into house parties and make restaurant visits seem like birthday gatherings. Sadly as friends become more responsible and ambition pulls us in different directions, my random friendship events became random date events which sometimes turned into a way to meet new people and force friendship into their pockets.
my random friendship events became random date events which sometimes turned into a way to meet new people and force friendship into their pockets.
Let’s set the scene
Say you have a date with another individual, hopefully human, and you guys have a great time. You laugh and sigh in tandem and believe pigs are pets and not food or vice versa, but for whatever reason you can’t picture her as the mother of your children or him fixing your DVD player while you stare at his butt cheeks. Maybe it’s the way her eyes light up when you mention tequila, or the way he crosses his legs when you mention literally any family member. Most people call it quits at this point and go separate ways, but I like to complicate things by maintaining contact and attempting to start a friendship.
Now I have a friend who always gives me a concerning, disagreeing, you sure you want to wear that look whenever I tell her “i’ve made a new friend”.
She believes that it’s incredibly messy and there’s always an ulterior motive involved,
it’s never balanced and one of the 2 individuals wants more than a hi five and a goodbye hug. She’s not wrong either, you’ve probably heard the saying “I have enough friends thanks”, that’s usually what girls say when guys ask to be friends right after they’ve been rejected. From her experience most if not all men just want to hang around long enough for that decisive moment your defences go down and they can invade your nether regions, and women hang around because they’re under the delusion that you’ll change your mind someday or maybe the nether regions thing. Regardless of this I still try to maintain a friendly relationship with dates I genuinely had a good time with, though my success rate is kinda low if the girl rejects me first.
It started to happen so often that one of the dates turned friend started to refer to herself and others as “Pokemon” because I “gotta catch em all”. The term spread among my social circle and whenever I referred to anyone my friends had never heard of, my response to “who’s that” would be “she’s a Pokemon” which was met with a resounding “ah!”. That probably sounds like being a Pokemon is its own thing and not quite friendship, part of me agrees.
Cons of turning dates into friends
I’ve probably made 13 “Pokemon” but I only consider 5 of them to be good friends that I talk to and hang out with regularly, the other 8 could be better friends but it’s mentally draining to remind them that I don’t want to steal their underwear, not to mention it’s no fun when it feels like you’re making all the effort. In some cases the people you’re befriending may actually proposition you in the future or you may fall into a situation where one thing leads to another causing you to blur the lines you so carefully drew with crayon and lipstick. New friendships can take their toll on your mind and your wallet, the guy or gal who said you can never have too many friends probably didn’t have many. Maintaining said friendships requires you to actually meet 1 on 1 as you can’t turn 3 new friends into one new friendship group. Imagine how much easier that would be though, maybe there’s an app for that.
Pros of turning dates into friends
It’s a learning experience, befriending someone you’ve been on a date with is a bit like getting feedback from a job interview. Maybe you spit in her eye when you get excited, or said all men are assholes 1 too many times, who knows, actually your new friend might. You get to see how the other side lives, and maybe that person that rejected you is actually much better as a friend.
It’s much easier to be yourself when you aren’t wondering what the other person thinks of you.
I personally also find it much easier to accept rejection when I befriend the rejecter. It’s almost like it strengthens the idea that it’s not something about you or what you did but rather they just didn’t feel a dance party in their stomachs. Lastly they might proposition you?! I mean if you’re into that and don’t mind the absolute mess it causes after.
I’m the kind of person that values the relationships I create and if I think of someone as a friend they get all the reliability and perks that i believe comes with friendship. That being said catching and maturing a friendly relationship with a “Pokémon” that isn’t that fussed is tiring and can do more damage than good and so I try not to reel myself into saying “let’s just be friends” or take the “I’d be up for meeting up as friends” seriously. That’s like saying “I might come” when someone invites you to their birthday party. Bitch you ain’t coming.