Rant of the week – Why do we want what we can’t have?
It’s rant time, so I’ve been thinking of what to rant about recently. It’s becoming quite challenging to come up with 1 rant a week, it’s tricky. Anyway why do we want what we can’t have?
Have you ever been in a position where you dated someone you thought was “ok” not terrible but not what you’d consider to be what you want, but enough to keep you entertained. Did that person suddenly decide that you’re not what they’re looking for and call it quits after a few dates, what the hell right?! If you’re anything like me that’s usually enough to peak your interest. Remember that infuriating scrubs episode where JD pines for Elliot for half the season, causing her to break up with her fiancé just to then have realise the moment he gets her that he infact doesn’t want her. Hilarious to watch, probably not so much when you’re in it.
Just like that I believe some of us are wired in someway to want a person more-so when we can’t have them.
Almost like we become accustomed to the drip fed attention and then for a reason outside of our control it all stops, leaving us wishing we ended it first or what we could do to get it back.
Ever see that french YouTube flick by Wil Aime on the friend zone? Take a look below
Credit to Wil Aime
I watched this and thought “ha…she’s so simple”, and then realised I’m the same simple. This is a good example of what could happen once the drip feeding stops. In a way I guess we’re the bad guys here since we’re not completely set on a person but rather they tugged at our heels instead of cutting them loose. I know of a small handful of women who are in a similar situation where a dude says, “I am a fool for leaving you, you’re my everything. Please take me back” to then say “Actually I don’t really want anything serious right now” once they’ve gotten a decent refill of attention. I don’t really get it either, maybe they were a cat in their past life or practicing for a job in politics.
Sometimes it’s not even about the person and more about just wanting to feel wanted, like we have a constantly depleting vial of affection that needs to be restocked every several hours.
It’s a drug
We get a little narcissistic dopamine kick when our smart phone vibrates in the same way the poor soul chasing us gets a kick when we respond, albeit a disinterested and aloof response. Or maybe it’s self affirmation, if someone wants me it must mean I’m good and if not “omg why not what’s wrong with me. I’m worth dating!! Let me show you. Even though I don’t want to be with you anyway” sounds like the plot to an annoying chick flick, or a really badly written M Night Shyamalan movie.
Dangerously the more we play this game the more our brain becomes accustomed to it. A perfectly healthy relationship because stagnant and predictable while delayed responses and mild rejection gives a buzz akin to unexpected free steak, or cabbage if you’re vegetarian.